The Break Up
Everyone thinks they can understand, but the pain can feel unexplainable. How could anyone possibly feel the pain of losing someone I care so deeply for? After the shock of what just ended starts the pain that people say only time can heal. In the moment it seems like time stands still. No matter what the reason, “it’s not you, it’s me”, “I’m bored of us”, or “I am not ready for a serious relationship”, the pain of a loss seems to consume from the depths of our being. Tears or no tears, friends or no friends, nothing seems to adequately relieve the pain felt after a break up. Though you may be able to numb it for a while, it looms from within until you can feel again.
For those of us who have been through a break up in our more distant past we know that in time we will heal, move on, and maybe even find interest in someone else. Our desire for relationship will again find itself at the forefront of our minds, and we will seek to satisfy this desire with someone new who we can pour our lives into.
Recently I found myself in the middle of heartbreak. A woman who I deeply respect and care for ended our relationship. She was graceful, respectful, and had valid reasons. She was not ready to be in a serious relationship, and wanted to honor me by being honest and ending the relationship now rather than in the future. I deeply appreciated her honesty, all this being said, it didn’t change the pain that consumed my soul. No matter how graceful she was, I suffered the pain of losing someone close to me. As I wrestled with God through the pain, I found a thought float through my mind.
“Is this how God feels when I abandon him?”
How many times has God made it clear His love for me is perfect, that He is jealous for my attention, that He will fight for my soul and that He has done everything to keep me close? In response, how many times have I turned my back on Him, said “it’s not you, it’s me”, “I’m bored of us”, or “I am not ready for a serious relationship”. As the reality for my unfaithfulness overwhelmed me I found myself in awe that as guilty as I am of doing this time and time again the God who created all things, who could move on and forget about me, choses to stand with his arms wide open, calling me by name to Himself.
No power in the sky above or in the earth BELOW—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord. – Romans 8:39 NLT
I have never and will never be forgotten. I am eternally loved. I am forever forgiven. I am a son of the God most high. I have never and will never do anything to deserve this, yet it does not change the reality of God’s love for me. It is this reality that grips my heart. This is grace. This truth changes everything.
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